Ugh.

This post is going to be short and sweet, but necessary.

So how bad did it get, really?

I recently had the (mis)fortune of stepping on a scale.  I'm just going to throw it right out there: 174lbs.  That's 11lbs over where I was last summer.  Ok ok, I expected some of that.  The ketosis diet I was on makes you lose most of your water weight, and when you start eating carbs again you gain it all back.  If I remember correctly that can be anywhere from 3-7lbs.

So what excuses can I dig up for the remaining 4-8lbs?  Ummm let's see, I have built a lot more muscle in the last couple of weeks, I was wearing clothes when I weighed myself, I just finished a big meal.  If I try hard enough I could rationalize every extra pound and tell myself I didn't gain any weight.  Too bad that's a big fat lie.

This is something I've done a lot.  I would obviously gain weight and lie to myself about it.  Putting on some of the summer clothes I haven't worn since last year they definitely don't fit like they should, even after I started eating carbs again.

Here is where I take a second to be really furious with myself.  Here is where I feel like a failure and think of the people who told me I was just going to gain it all back.  Here is where I feel like it was a terrible idea to get rid of all my fat clothes and I should just accept the fact that I will never be able to get fit.

I think I cycle through the 5 stages of grief every time I gain.  Unfortunately I spend way too much time in the denial and depression stages for my own good.  This time I think I'll just fast forward to acceptance.

I weigh 174lbs.  I am a size bigger than I was last year.  If I say it out loud I can't hide behind my excuses anymore.  Now I keep doing something about it.